Let me start off by saying and then repeating - "I love my friends" and again repeating it "I love my friends!"
I truly do. I do believe though, that some where friendship can be defined with a bit of insanity - devotion - organization - trust - commitment - pleasure - hate - roll your neck sort of attitude.
As long as you have the devotion, commitment and trust, I believe it will hold strong a life time.
BUT - let me get this off my chest.
I have a friend - again repeating - "I love my friends" I only call a select few friends the rest are associates.
Well, I got one who is so in the hole right now. Trying to get on her feet. Lord knows its hard. I have been there.
Matter fact let me get this out too - Last month - I just paid off my last 600 dollars to a fine I had for years. I had over 10 thousand dollars in fines, bills and what not. It took me almost 3 years to free myself of these. SO, when I speak of the vision in front of me - I do know what I am talking about.
Well, ol' girl has got her head in all the wrong places. I am wondering if and where I draw the line to say things or deal with things or even for that matter help with things. How far do I actually go? Do I hold my tongue? Do I point out the faults? Do I keep a shoulder to lean on - when I just got done building a pillar of my own to hold me? I am strong and wiser from my journey the last few years. With getting up in age (35) I have come to realize that I needed to get my stuff together before it was too late.
I can't seem to quit fussing at my friend for having a 200 dollar telephone bill - when she fusses about not having a car. I can't seem to get past buying trinkets when she fusses about her bills and her debts (which are in great #'s). I do understand the feeling of drowning...I felt like I was drowning the hole time before I actually set out to stabilize myself. During the course of the three years it took, it drove me nuts not to get my nails done with 20 dollars...what would 20 dollars do anyway I always asked. But I did it. I applied every penny even my nail money to my future and am sooo relieved at where I am getting to now.
I thought my friend had a desire to get ahead now that she claimed she was trying to get things together but in actual- her together so far are excuses. She can put money on a mans jail books, claiming love, but yet she don't love herself enough to put her money toward getting things done and better for herself.
Her decisions on working are made of who she likes rather than money. NOT saying that money is the only thing that matters with jobs but when you are made of better had better and offered better but choose less cause you don’t like someone - there are bigger issues than what meets the eye.
Why work for a single check in two weeks that brings 300 dollars when you could be working for 700. or more?
I just have love for her and would only want the best for her. I can't seem to get my frustration out of the way though. I find myself saying things to irritate her and it does. But yet, if I don't keep on her I feel like I am not doing her justice by agreeing with what she is doing.
Geesh....what a long, long, long thought I had tonight...
My only question still remains is, Do I shut my mouth and be a friend or open my mouth and be a friend that in the process might get lost cause she may happen to tune me out?????
Yes I am frustrated....Can you tell?
It's not even my life yet it bothers me as such.
"I love my friends"
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